Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I'm Still Me : An open letter to Today's Parent magazine

My husband's aunt purchased me a subscription to Today's Parent magazine, and I'm about 4 issues in. I have a love/hate relationship with magazines in general. I was a loyal Cosmo reader straight up until they published an article about what you should do if your man isn't receptive to things being stuck up his butt... An Entire Article... and nowhere in the article did it say "Stop trying to put stuff up there", which is what I would have written.
Today's Parent is now the source of my magazine related ire, for the following reasons:

1. Smoothies: Enough with the smoothies, you don't have to mention smoothies in every single issue. It seems almost as if the publishers have some sort of contractual arrangement with The Smoothies Association of Canada, wherein they must sneak at least one mention of smoothies per month.

2. They published an otherwise fine article a few issues ago about a family that plays a different genre of music during dinner, depending on what day of the week it is. Then the Author, the Dad of the family, feels the need to add that he "needs" to let the reader know that just because they listen to reggae, does not mean they (he and his wife) smoke pot. It's implied that the reader would/should otherwise have assumed that this gentleman partakes in (pointlessly) illegal substances, AND that it's somehow the reader's business, and relevant.

3. Tips on how to "make" your kids eat. Dudes...If a kid isn't hungry you should NOT make them eat. Eating when you're not hungry makes your appetite increase and skews your understanding of what constitutes an appropriate serving.

4. In the last issue, they ran an article on phases kids go through. There was a woman described as having an "abiding love for turtlenecks", who's daughter had gone through a goth stage, and later wore dreadlocks and who is now releived that her college age daughter now wears "alot of beige". Mark my fucking words Today's Parent Magazine, If my daughter ever wears "alot of beige" at any point before the age of 40 I will ask her if she's depressed and ask her to seek councelling. Seriously. Beige.

Ultimately what it boils down to is this: Today's Parent is a conservative publication. I'm just not conservative, and I'm not going to turn into the tan-slacks-wearing, minivan-driving, 12-year-old-boy's-haircut-having, force-feeder-of-smoothies that Today's Parent wants me to be.

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