Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Pubic Relations (cross posted)

I was busy today so I'm cross posting something I wrote back in April on the MSN space blog that I'm abandoning:

April 07
Pubic Relations
I was having a conversation with a friend recently, and he was talking about "curly German moustaches" which I took to mean those little french waxed Dali-esque moustaches. Needless to say my mind also went straight to the classic German Hitler/Chaplin 'stache, and obviously from there my mental cogs and gears took me to the only logical cerebral destination : Pubes.
Specifically why has the Hitler moustache taken off with such success in pubic styling? Why has the Dali not enjoyed such favor in crotch styling? For that matter, what about mutton chops? Those who know my brother may recall he once had some Strombolopolous (sp?) inspired chin stripes at one point which I think would translate beautifully to ones' hooha.
Well, My friend tells me I'm talking about "Landing Strip" and that he's never heard it called a Hitler moustache, but to my mind a Landing Strip is more akin to Adnan Ghalib's chin pubes. Some of you may remember seeing/perpetrating a lot of "the Adnan" at my wedding last summer. (Thanks for making me think about pubes at my wedding, pals! You're forgiven, as long as you'll forgive me for wondering if your spouses were sporting matching "Adnans")
I'm going to chalk Hitler Vadges up to this: Pubic hair or lack thereof is controversial. From both a feminist and misogynistic stand point. I know girls who've been told point blank that they have too much or too little by partners. Partners they were about to bone.
Too little hair, and some might accuse a woman of catering to paedophilic fantasies, or otherwise striving to be less of a woman, despite her own personal preferences. Too much hair and some might accuse a woman of being unhygienic or, coincidentally striving to be less of a woman (seriously). "The Hitler" is, to my mind, the only compromise most women can think of, but Ladies, please, some food for thought... Your pubes are stupid looking. At this point you might as well go for the Dali.
(Also it's creepy if your partner cares enough about your pubes, or lack thereof to make you feel shitty about it right before they intend to bang you. You should probably not bang that person.)

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